May A Day!
by MagentaQuinn
Summary: A one-shot for each day of this month of May!
1. Video Killed The Radio Star

**Author's Note: **Welcome to the lovely month of May! Isn't it grand? Julian's birthday is Saturday, Noel's is only a few weeks away!

And to celebrate this glorious month, I'm posting a one-shot song-fic each of the thirty-one days of May! I hope to recommend some songs and artists to you guys, as you guys and the Boosh have for me!

* * *

Song Title: Video Killed The Radio Star

Artist: The Buggles (Ben Folds Five cover)

Character(s): Vince/Gary Numan

Genre(s): Comedy / Crime

Summary: (I've always thought this song was about kidnapping someone you heard on the radio. Plus, this gives me the chance to unleash Crazy Vince you hardly ever see.) Vince thinks he _might _have gone over the line by taping Gary to the wall, but it's Gary freaking Numan!

* * *

"Howard . . . I need you come down to that warehouse next to the zoo. No questions. Cheers." he hung up the phone, and twirled around. "Sorry for that, Gary." Vince tapped his nose. "I had to call a friend. He's a big fan too!"

"MMMMPPPPPHHHH!"

"Gary. I only duct-taped your mouth because you were arguing and screaming. I'll take it off if your promise not to." Gary nodded. "Alright." Vince took a deep breath. "This hurts me more than it hurts you, alright?"

"FUCK!"

"You said you wouldn't scream," said Vince, almost squeaking.

"I- I'm sorry, Vince. It just really hurt."

"Oh, yeah. It sometimes does that." Vince giggled like a school girl. "It really means a lot that you'd come down here."

"I would stay if I wasn't duct-tapped to the wall, you know."

"I just have to make _sure_."

"You know, I don't even think my wife was this obsessed with me."

"Oh yeah!" Vince sat down Indian style in front of Gary. "I've met her, and the kids. I don't really like Raven, though. She said that you told her to stay away from all of your fan-club members, like Vince Noir, because they can get crazy." Vince laughed madly. "I guess they don't know about their mother, huh?" He laughed again.

"That's just what she does, she asks for your name, and then says she needs to stay away."

"Oh, good." Vince felt like a a ton had been lifted off his back. "Because I've always been, like, your biggest fan. I would just lay awake at night, after my parents said to go to sleep, listening to you. They always said I was too young, but I never thought so! You know, I'm actually in a band. My mate that I just called is in there with me. We're called the Mighty Boosh. I can only hope one day a fan that loves me as much as I love you will stay up listening to us on the radio."

"Very sweet."

"I know!" Vince grinned. "Think about it, yesterday I was just a guy in a band, who loved Gary Numan. And now, we meet in an abandoned studio, we hear the playback and it seems _so_ long ago." Vince sighed. "Cars, man, Cars. That was the first hit about an car, and it was the last one. It really was. I can play it, if you want." Vince pulled out his phone, and soon, Numan's voice filled the air.

"It's been a while since I've heard this."

"I try to listen to your entire spectrum of work weekly."

"Wow," thought Gary. "I am completely and _utterly _screwed."

"Vince, what did you want, you sounded urgent on the phone, so I brought some sweets to help you calm down." Howard looked at the scene and dropped the tub of candy. "You kidnapped Gary Numan?"


	2. Grace Kelly

Grace Kelly

Mika

Howince

Hurt/Comfort / Romance

When Howard comes home one night drunk beyond belief, Vince wonders why Howard doesn't like him.

* * *

Vince was _beyond _angry. Howard came back from the pub, completely pissed. He never knew Howard went through that much work when he took care of Vince!

That was only the starting point, though. Vince reached boiling point after Howard started going on and on about why they had broken up. In truth, they both regretted it. That was the only reason Howard went to the pub, to try and drown his sorrows. They had only broken up the night before, after all!

"Why'd you do it, Howard?" Vince was the horrible red colour that he turned when he was angry with Howard. He only flushed a little when he was angry, but when he was angry with Howard, he turned as red as the lips that sung Science Fiction Double Feature. "Why'd you break us up?"

"I don't like you." Howard flipped over, with his back to Vince, and Vince felt tears sting in his eyes.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Why _don't _you like me?"

"I don't know."

"Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my _queasy _smile? Am I too dirty? Am I too flirty? Do I like what you like? I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome. But I guess you're a little bit shy."

"Why does it even matter what I think, Vince? I don't matter."

"How can I help it, how can I help it, how can I _help _what you think? You're putting my life on the brink! _Why _don't you like me? Why don't you like _yourself_? Should I just bend over? Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?"

"Vince . . . I'm not that much older than you."

Vince groaned out of anger. "Are you sure? I've already changed for you, I'd be happy to do it again."

"How have you changed for me?"

"How _haven't _I changed for you?" Vince practically screamed, and started pacing. "We've broken up, and I'm still willing to change for you, you bastard!"

"Getting angry doesn't solve anything."

"Howard," Vince screamed. "I've gone identity mad, Howard! I've been punk, I've been goth, I've been mod, all for you! That day when I dressed up as Grace Kelly, for you. That day when I dressed up as Freddie Mercury, for _you_! I've tried everything just to impress you," Vince growled. "What else could I do? I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky! I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like. Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be every thing more! Why _don't _you like me?"

"Brown's nice."

"Perfect," Vince whispered. "I'll just do everything you say." Vince rolled his eyes. "You know, you really hurt me Howard," he said in a normal tone of voice. "I really thought we had something, and I thought you thought we did too. But all of a sudden, we're not together any more. I thought it was good. I thought I had finally found a good one, but no, you're just like the rest. The ones who beat me, or give me an STI, or dump me when I think it's going the best. I've poured my heart out to you, Howard, and you've stomped on it with-"

"Nyehmmph."

Vince looked softly at Howard's sleeping figure. "We'll talk about this on the morning." He pushed Howard's sweaty hair off his forehead and kissed it. "Sleep well."


	3. 30 Minute Love Affair

30 Minute Love Affair

Paloma Faith

Noeloma

Hurt/Comfort / Romance

She might have lied. Her 'love affair' might not have been with a bouncer. And a certain someone who'd be completely willing to saw rainbows with her might have stolen her heart!

* * *

"I'm slightly in love with Paloma . . . I'm thinking that, for the first gift on a date . . . it'd have to be a rainbow that I'd have to give you, or a section of a rainbow."

"Awww!" Paloma's heart fluttered.

"Paloma just went 'aww' like it could actually happen. Like that was actually a thing."

Paloma didn't glare, because she knew the cameras would pick it up, but she was angry he ruined their moment. Paloma, in truth, _slightly_ fancied Noel. "That's the problem! People don't believe in these things any more, and they should!"

"Wh . . . they don't believe in _what_?"

"We've all got rainbow saws. Where is yours? They're like hacksaws, but they're longer."

"The world could be so wonderful if you just joined us . . ."

"Do you want to know the only problem here? He's doing this for comic effect. You're _ACTUALLY BEING SERIOUS_."

She wasn't being serious! Granted, she _was _wearing an outfit covered in pom-poms, the Children's Bull-Fighter. But really, did he think she was being serious?

Then Noel, of all the songs he could of hummed, he hummed Use Somebody, by Kings of Leon, one of her favourite songs, while wearing a David Bowie shirt, one of her favourite people, in his Aladdin Sane period, one of her favourite periods!

She didn't think it bothered with them Noel and her conversed from across the room, everyone was either laughing at them or thinking they were adorable.

"Tune in next week when your host will be Rod Gilbert. Goodnight!"

"Wh- What? It's over?"

"It's only a thirty minute show, Paloma," Phil shouted over the applause.

"Well that's not fair!" She pouted for a while, but went back to her dressing room. She took off her hat and started brushing her hair. "Thirty minute hmm-ba-bum. De-dah-dah de-dah-dah eye. There you were standing there, hmm-hm-hm-hmm-hmm hah." She curled some hair around her finger. "Runaway lover, I soon discovered hmm was hmm-hmm-hmm left it, I'll never forget it. Our thirty minute love affair." She grinned. "Shit, I should write that down." She scrambled for a sheet of paper.

"Paloma?" Her heart stopped as Noel knocked on her door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure!"

"What were you singing? I hadn't heard that before."

"Well, surely you haven't heard every song." She redid her lipstick. "It may be a song you just haven't heard."

"It seems like it would be one of your songs, but I haven't heard it."

"Well, I just got the idea. Why do you ask?"

"It's lovely."

"Aww! Thanks." She kissed both of his cheeks. "Would you like to go out to lunch, sometime? Bring your rainbow saw?"

"I'd love to," he smiled. "I'll pick you up tomorrow." He winked, and she blushed. "I would kind of need your address to do that, you know."

"Oh yeah!" She scrambled to get a piece of paper.


	4. Golden Years

**Author's Note: **May the fourth be with you all today! And happy birthday to Julian! Why don't we celebrate with some Howince and a song that somehow makes me so happy, so sad, and makes me feel so full, and so empty, all at the same time?

* * *

Golden Years

David Bowie

Howince

Hurt/Comfort / Romance

Half Vince and Howard's class is away for the day on a field-trip, so the teacher decides to let them watch a movie. Howard tries desperately to follow the plot of the movie, because he knows Vince likes it. After that doesn't work, they end up sharing a pillow, so Vince is always in distance to explain it to Howard.

* * *

"What just happened?"

"Just wait."

Howard did.

"There's just so much blood," replied the movie.

"Did she have her period?"

"No, Howard. She had a miscarriage. Girls can't have their period while they're pregnant."

"Why not?"

"I don't know!"

"Well you're the one who lost their virginity last year at camp, I thought you would know."

"I didn't get anyone pregnant." Vince turned to face Howard. "I guess the baby just stops the blood from coming out. Like the bath stopper."

"That's disgusting Vince."

Vince just shrugged, turning back to the movie.

He made a point, though, to accent his best features. Vince was spread in front of the screen, while Howard was out to the side. The top of Howard's head was touching Vince's ear.

Vince squired around a bit, because he thought he had Howard's glance. He yawned, and put his hand down on the floor, so it was turned up, like a bear trap, waiting to spring. His hand was feeling hot, and he knew Howard was looking at it.

"Howard," Vince whispered, shocking both of them. "Did you come to the talent show last night?"

"Of course, you're my best mate. I wouldn't miss your performance."

"What did I sing then?"

"Vince, why are you questioning me?"

"You never answered me. What song did I sing?"

"For the love of God Vince, you sang Golden Years by David Bowie. Sometimes I feel like we're married the way you argue about the smallest things."

"Whatever." Vince turned back to the movie, generally hurt. He knew he was acting like a girl, but he was hurt.

"Vince, I'm sorry. You were brilliant last night. They loved you." Howard smiled at the back of Vince's pouting head. "In walked Lady Luck, and Mister Talent had his arm around her waist. Don't look back, walk tall, act fine."

Vince snorted. "Wow."

Howard grinned at Vince as he turned around. "I'm serious. You'll be my mate forever. Nothing can touch you, as long as I have something to do with it."

Vince smiled, trying to to tear up.

And then . . . fuck tearing up, he tried not to have all the blood in his body go to his cheeks as Howard brushed a piece of his hair out of Vince's eyes.

"Howard," Vince whispered, staring at his mate.

"Shh," replied Howard, almost silently.

"What's happening here, Howard? I- I just don't want to go . . . go nowhere." Vince moaned almost silently as Howard ran his thumb over Vince's upper lip.

"Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere, _angel _. . ."

The breath in Vince's throat hitched as Howard closed the final gap in between their lips.


	5. Argument

Argument

Robots in Disguise

Kraftwerk Orange

Genre

A Kraftwerk Orange is having one of their famous electro parties, but all of a sudden, Neon and Ultra get in a horrible fight.

* * *

"Gonna get you bitch!" The crowd went silent as Ultra stormed out, followed by Neon.

"Gonna get _you_, bitch!"

"Ah, shut up!"

"Shut up!"

"Shut up!"

"Fuck you."

"You're shit!"

Ultra turned quickly to Neon. "You _stink _of it!"

The crowd gasped. "Ultra," Neon hissed, "let's go back into the room."

"Why should I do anything _you _say?"

"Because I don't want to embarrass myself."

"What else do you have to embarrass yourself for, _honey_?"

"You're being pathetic, you're gonna regret it!"

"I'm hating you lately, I want my 3.80!"

"You're pulling that face in my space. Same noises each day, rewind and . . ." Neon pretended to press a button on a remote. "Press play."

"God! You always do that!"

"You never put the remote back on the fucking coffee table!"

"You always bring random men to the flat who leave the seat up!"

"You never check!" Ultra stormed off, and Neon shouted out behind her, "I'm not done!"

"I am!" The crowd was getting uncomfortable.

"You always run away from the slightest argument!"

"You never use your common sense to walk away!"

"You always say I don't have common sense."

"You never use it if you _do _have it!" Ultra grabbed Neon, and they growled at each other.

"Can you not-"

"Can't you stop-"

"Can you not-"

"Can't you stop?" Ultra slapped Neon. "Stop!"

"Ultra! What the hell was that?"

"You're causing my head to pound, I thought I would make yours hurt too."

"We gotta act more pro!"

"I guess."

"Just think of the fans!"

"Fuck the fans, let's break up."

"If we break up, we're just another ex-band."

"Let's just go back to the start."

"That's the only way it'll last." She took in a deep breath. "I'm Neon."

"Ultra." They shook hands, and walked back to their room.

The DJ and all of the guests stared at each other, not sure what happened.


	6. DIY

DIY

Robots in Disguise

Fieldplume

Romance

Dee's art may be amateur, sure, but in many ways, she's better than Noel. He may have gone to art school, but she has just as many things under her belt!

* * *

"Noel!" Dee squeaked, chasing after her boyfriend. "Give it back!"

"No, it's adorable!" He grinned, running faster as he dodged the pillows. "Ne te moques pas, te fous pas, te fous pas, casses pas. Ne plaisantes pas avec mon art." He laughed. "You're not joking with your art?"

"Shut up!" She tried to tackle him, but ended up just getting the sofa.

"Grown up, want only-child attention, fed up on going through the motions?" He snorted. "What does that mean?"

"Well _you_ wouldn't know, you're professionally trained! I don't like you picking fun at my art all the time!"

"Oh come on, I don't!" He looked through the lyrics, and snorted.

"See, you just did it again! My music's my art."

"I wasn't making fun of your art."

"Then what were you laughing at?"

"Your break-time education. I'm starting to think this song's about me."

Dee raised her eyebrows. "_Starting_?"

"This song's about _me_?"

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"You're always mocking my songs." She pouted, finally giving up on the couch. Noel sat beside her, and put his arm around her waist. "I'm serious. You're professional, and I'm Blue Peter."

"You're not Blue Peter."

"I'm so Blue Peter!"

"You're much more attractive than Blue Peter, for starters."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

Dee rolled her eyes. "Really. I'm amazed when you paint. I have to have everything of mine pre-mixed and everything. Crayola. And then when you talk to your fans about art, and they actually know what the hell you're talking about, I get jealous. Who wouldn't?"

"And that's the 'only-child attention' you want?"

"I'm sorry."

He kissed up her neck. "It's fine."

"No, it's not fine. I shouldn't write a song about someone, it's just . . . immature."

"I'll make it up to you."

"What do you mean?"

"I will give _you _something to make fun of. And we can just forget this whole thing."

She smiled. "Deal."

"Good." He grabbed a piece of paper, and scribbled on the back of it. "And it's not anything artistic. So it's sure to suck."

"The girl I love is called Dee . . . she wears cowboy hats and tight trousers just like me." She bit her lip.

"Fire away."

"I can't." She, all of a sudden, sat on Noel's lap, and hugged him. "That's the best first 'I love you' anyone's ever said to me. I love you too."

She pulled away, brushed some of his brunette fringe away from his face, and gently pressed her lips to his.


	7. Picking Up The Pieces

Picking up The Pieces

Paloma Faith

Noeloma

Romance / Friendship

When Julian and Noel go their own way, it's up to Paloma to be the ox that Noel orbits like a fairy.

* * *

"I miss him, Paloma."

"Noel. We're married, remember."

Noel couldn't help but smile. "You danced on the table with another man."

"I'm sorry." She gave him a big hug. "Come on honey. When you think of him, think of me."

"I can't."

"Come on. It'll be easy. Don't think of him when you're with me. Think of me. Replace me with Julian in your memories."

"I can't!"

"Am I too loud? I'll take off the sweater." She tossed the bright coloured sweater across the room. "There."

"Paloma."

"No!" She or Noel didn't expect her to squeak like that, but she had gotten angry. "He's got a perfect heart, he's flawless, he's the other . . . friend. Now she's gone, and I'm picking up the pieces of your heart! Do you think I like seeing you like this?

"I watch you cry," she continued. "But you don't see that I'm the one by your side? He's gone, Noel! All that's left is you and I, and I'm picking up the pieces he left behind."

"Paloma . . . what's wrong with you?"

"You look so happy when you're with Julian, Noel! Are you missing the way it used to be?"

"Of course!"

"Is he a better friend than I am?"

"What?"

"Is he? It's a yes or no question, but just remember, I'm your _wife_!"

"It's a plastic ring, Paloma! With eggs on top!"

"It meant something to me! Apparently it didn't to you, you bastard!"

"Wh- What?"

"He's got a perfect heart, he's flawless, he's the other... friend. Now she's gone, and I'm picking up the pieces of your heart! Do you think I like seeing you like this? Your mopy little, whiny little, snot ridden face?

"I watch you cry," she continued. "But you don't see that I'm the one by your side? He's gone, Noel! All that's left is you and I, and I'm picking up the pieces he left behind."

"Paloma, you're not making sense."

She gasped. "Am I just a rebound friend? Are we just liars, in denial? Are we smoke without the fire?" She growled. "Tell me _please _is this worth it?" She softened a little, and muddy streaks started down her cheeks. "I deserve it . . . don't I?"

"Paloma. I want you to answer me seriously, alright."

Paloma nodded, not looking at him. "Sure."

"Look at me."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes.

"Do you fancy me?"

She turned as red as her hair and looked down again. "No," she mumbled.

"Oh my gosh," he whispered. "You fancy me."

"No I don't!" She looked at him. "I may fancy you a little." Noel grinned. "Why do you care?"

"Because, Mrs. Fielding, I believe we're married." Noel extended his hand to her, and she took it. "All we have to do is seal the marriage with a kiss, you know."

It wasn't like in movies, it was even better.

Noel tasted like Oreos and Bailey's, while Paloma's lips tasted like strawberries and frosting.


	8. Cover Girl

Cover Girl

RuPaul

Vince

Genre

Because I believe with all my heart that Vince can fucking WERK IT and he'd make an amazing queen. And not your kind of queen across the pond, but a good, old fashioned, drag queen, hunties! Hey, check out wossy. Jonathan Ross likes RuPaul's Drag Race.

(All hail our newest reigning queen, Miss Jinkx Monsoon!)

* * *

Vince Noir grinned at the beautiful woman looking at him. "Why hello there," he purred. The woman in the mirror imitated his every move.

And that beautiful woman, you may ask, was Anita Cocktail, Vince's drag persona. She really was a feat. A single mother of a gay son, always mistaken for a drag queen, and for some reason, worked in a drag bar!

The truth was that Vince wasn't Vince when he was in drag. He was a whole other person. He was a _she_. And she loved it.

Anita loved going out during the day, especially when she toured in America. Random people would come up and compliment her, and then giggle about, saying they couldn't believe they commented on a drag queen's wig. It made them feel better.

But unfortunately, Anita was back in London, but just for a few weeks. There was a specific reason, too. Heat had just did an interview, and put her on the cover.

"Perfect," rang Anita's high pitched voice, and she blotted. She ran to the door, but groaned. "Eww." She grabbed an umbrella to avoid the London rain, and strutted down the walk. Her mission? To find the place that sold Heat that had the most people.

After she was satisfied with the location, she strolled in. Fuck the stage, the _world _was her runway. She giggled as she felt a little twink's eyes one her, and she winked.

"I'll take this one," she said to the man behind the counter, and slipped the magazine to him. He rang her up, and she walked to the boy. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." She grinned. "But that would be pointless. Looks like you already have one."

His eyes followed her's, straight to the issue of Heat in his hand. "I- I... I'm not going to lie, I got it because you were on the cover, Miss Anita."

"Anita." She shook his hand. "You're kind of cute. What's your number?"

"Uh..."

"Are you dating somebody?"

"No, but, I've never really been with a queen before."

"Why should I care?" She grinned. "Gimme your number!"

He scribbled to write it down, and Anita grinned. "So, give me a call sometime?"

"I'd love to." She giggled. "But no T, no shade, but if I'm going to call you, you can't be shaking like that. Am I scary or something?"

"Not scary. Intimidating."

"Aww." Anita laughed. "Cheers, hunty."

And just like that, the cover girl was out of there.


	9. What Goes On Tour Stays On Tour!

What Goes on Tour Stays on Tour!

Shaman Council

Taboo

Comedy / Friendship

It's the head shaman's stag party, and everyone's having a blast! Until Tony has to stay up with Saboo to take the second shift driving the carpet. Can Saboo handle an entire shift without pushing the ball-bag off the carpet?

* * *

"Liquid breakfast! I've had champaign on my Golden Grams, I am _steaming_!"

Saboo rolled his eyes at the entertainment manager. He just hoped this stag weekend wouldn't turn out like the rodeo party.

"Pace yourself Harrison, this is my stag. Let's go." Harrison cheered as the carpet took off.

They annoyed Dennis with a song Tony pulled out of his ass, but soon they all chanted "We are super magic men, we stay out till five AM, although we're bound by Shaman law, what goes on tour stays on tour!"

"Would you be quiet, please? I can't hear my internal TomTom! We appear to be lost."

"Oh, you are useless!"

"Well, I'm more than happy to let someone else drive."

"I can't drive! I'm shitfaced!"

"Yeah, like if you were sober, you could drive anyway. You can't even reach the pedals, you cleft."

"How dare you? I've got a heavy goods license. There's no one here who's got more miles under their belt than me!"

"Look, save it, you pinky wafer. Let Kirk drive." Saboo pointed to Kirk.

"Kirk can't drive. He's a renowned ram-raider."

"Kirk? Is it true that you've become a vehicular menace; mowing down all in your path?"

"Yes."

The shaman that looked like Boy George smirked; he absolutely adored Kirk's lifestyle.

"Can we stop? I need a wee-wee."

"We were only just in the service station."

"I know, but I didn't need to go then! I'm not a machine, I've got a weak bladder!"

"You _are _a bladder."

"Anyway, it's not my fault. I couldn't reach the pee-trough! I asked you to pick me up but you just shunned me!"

"I'm sorry, but I do not stoop to pick up men in the urinals."

"That's not what I've heard."

"Oohh!" Saboo pretended like he shot Dennis with an arrow.

"You walked right into it!"

"We are super magic men, we stay out till five AM, although we're bound by Shaman law, what goes on tour stays on tour!"

"This is an outrage!"

"Oh come on Harrison, what are you so outraged about?" He thought.

"I'm not sure. Gimme a while, I'll think about it."

"You berk! How are you outraged if you don't know what about?" Tony laughed.

The head Shaman cleared his throat."Alright, who takes the second shift?" No one volunteered. "Saboo."

"Yes sire."

"And . . ."

"And," he asked, rather surprised.

"Harrison." Saboo groaned and the pink thing laughed.

"Please, not him!"

"Saboo, you know I do not like to sleep when he is around. I trust you will make him behave."

"Yes sire." The shamans all settled around the carpet, and were very soon lulled to sleep. Tony moved up next to Saboo.

"Why doesn't he trust me?"

"Shall I make a list?" Tony nodded. "Alright. You've almost over dosed him several times while he slept, somehow you've drawn on his face, even with the lack of a thumb, you've almost drowned him when you stuck that beer bong down his throat, you've-"

"I get it." Tony cleared his throat. "So you _don't _love me?"

"Oh my God Tony, don't think I'm afraid to push you off this carpet."

"Fine." He cleared his throat again. "So here's the story from A to Z you wanna get with me you gotta listen carefully, we got Em in the place who likes it in your face we got G like MC who likes it on an easy V, doesn't come for free-"

"Tony, I swear."

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, make it last forever, friendship never e-hends."

"Tony."

"I'll shut up now." He started humming.

"Tony."

"Sorry." They sat in silence. "Do you want to play the licence plate game?"

"We're a flying carpet."

"You want to play it with birds?"

"No, Harrison, I don't."

The pink thing nodded. "What do you want to do?"

"Be as far away from you as possible." Tony nodded, thinking. "I have a question, Tony. How exactly do you do poppers?"

"Well you just pop the lid off and-"

"No, how do _you _do poppers?"

"I have a guy who opens it for me. Pedro, the same guy who writes my emails." Saboo nodded. "I've got a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Why _don't_ you love me?"

"Tony, I don't love you, and I never will, I never did."

"What about girls? They say they love each other to their friends. Why don't guys do that?"

"No offence Harrison, but I'm not your friend."

"Aww, come on! You're my friend!"

"Why? I threw you off a carpet!"

"Naboo, the ape, and Kirk are too weird, Dennis has a low tolerance, and that one looks like Boy George! You're the only normal one."

"That being said, I do suppose you're one of my closer acquaintances. One of the most normal ones, even though you're just a head."

"So, go on then, say it. Say I'm a friend."

"You're my-"

"Say my name."

"This isn't getting sexual, right?"

"Say it!"

"Tony Harrison, you are a friend of mine."

"I love you." Tony waited. "There are two proper answers to that question, neither of which you have said."

"I know."

"Is that a response to my declaration of love or your acknowledgement that you hadn't said the correct answer?"

"Both. And neither. Like Schrodinger's cat."

"I'm going to keep on annoying you until we're finished, so you better get on with it."

"Fine," Saboo sighed. "I love you too." Tony grinned. "If you mention this to anyone-"

"What goes on tour stays on tour." Saboo nodded, relived. "But you just said you loved me, how gay is that?" Saboo hit the creature in the middle of its head. "OWW!" Saboo smirked, slightly speeding up.


	10. The Beginning

The Begining

RuPaul

Vince / Kraftwerk Orange

Friendship

Neon and Ultra almost walked out once they saw the size of the theatre, and they almost passed out once they remembered they were going to be on television! Can Vince get them to do it?

* * *

"Oh my God!" Ultra breathed in a paper bag, while Neon paced.

"Vince, we can't do this!"

"Of course you can!"

"Oh really," asked Ultra, ripping the bag from her face. "How exactly do you suppose we do that?"

"You go up there and play Boys like you never have before!"

"Vince."

"What?"

Ultra pointed over her shoulder. "I think Neon just fainted."

He looked over, and sure enough, she was on the ground. "Fuck."

"Vince, let's just call it off."

"No, there's no way. You've gone too far to quit now!" He sighed, taking her hand. "'Boys' is the first song on the album, right?"

"Yeah."

"Just pretend you've put on the record. Take it nice and easy. The beginning of a record you like, that's not that hard, right?"

"I suppose not."

"Just hold on until tomorrow. The concert will last until about eleven, and the after party... who knows. Hold on until tomorrow, Ultra! Just shake it off, turn around, because it won't be long until it's a brand new day!"

"Vince, I'm so scared!"

"This is the beginning of the rest of your life. Don't you think you better get it right, instead of putting it off? You guys used to be fearless!"

"That was then, this is now!

"Well here we go, starting over!"

"You decide, Vince!

"Don't change your mind once I've made mine."

"I won't!"

"Miracles happen every day, Ultra, and this is one of them! _This_ is the beginning of the rest of your life."

"I still don't know, Vince."

"I do. You can change the world, change your mind!"

"Change my mind?"

"Yep. Once you've gone up there, you'll always believe you can."

"Vince..."

"Ultra, listen. You two defy space and time. There's no way you can screw up."

Ultra was silent for a moment. "Thanks, Vince. I guess this truly _is_ the beginning of the rest of my life." She hugged him, out of nowhere. "Wish us luck."

"You don't need luck, you have talent."

"Thanks." She kissed him on both cheeks, and woke Neon up.


	11. Rockin' The Suburbs

Rockin' The Suburbs

Ben Folds

Naboo / OC

What Happens at Four AM When You Watch A Video Montage of Mike Fielding / Angst

Everyone who saw Naboo after he met her thought they were having a nightmare. Naboo the enigma was happy without being stoned and had a daily routine. Naboo was happy, she was happy... and the kids were happy.

* * *

"Mike, wake up."

"Fuck off."

Naboo's nostrils flared. "Young man, I won't have you talk to me like that just because I'm your step father."

"That's not why I talk down to you." The boy yawned, rubbing his eyes. "I talk down to you because you're shorter than me."

"Ten minutes." Mike saluted, and Naboo stormed off. "I swear, one day, well, I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do something."

"Sure you will, honey." His wife kissed him, before stuffing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a paper bag. "Sophie, get you lunch!"

The blonde seven year old ran, and grabbed the bag. "Thanks Mummy." She hugged her mother, and then Naboo. "Love you Mummy, love you 'Boo!"

Naboo finally rounded up the kids, and took them to school.

"Oh God." Naboo took in a deep breath, and slowly inched his hand towards the lock on his car door.

He could feel that something wasn't right. He can feel someone blasting him with hate, and bass, sending dirty vibes his way. And sure enough, some man stopped right beside him was glaring at him like he wanted to murder him.

Thankful the light finally turned, Naboo sped off.

Next, he went to the market to get the groceries, and thankfully, avoiding the glare of murders.

Naboo started to drive off, but he saw the spot he had missed since his wedding: The spot where the security cameras couldn't see, and his dealer hung out. Sighing, Naboo drove away.

He missed his old life, he really did, but he liked his new one, too. Sure he never saw the Board of Shaman, Vince, Howard, and most importantly Bollo, but he was happy.

Sure, he had a routine. Sure, he had kids. Sure, one of those kids was in a really loud garage band that disrupted Naboo from his crossword puzzles, but he was happy.

He was finally upper-middle class! Of course, he lives in the suburbs, and you can't tell your house from your neighbour's, but he was loving it!

He was just all caught up in his white-boy pain.

"Aww, honey." His wife rubbed his shoulders, after giving him his drink. "I'm sorry you've had a bad day at work." She would always slip his tie off, and then kiss his cheek.

"I don't know if I can take another day at the office," he would comment to her, and she would laugh.

"We need the money." She would laugh again, kiss him, and walk out. Naboo would always stare at the hem of her dress when she did.

At the office, things weren't much better. Naboo was a whole other person. One that does his job well, one that loves his job, one that cracks knock-knock jokes at the water cooler.

No one seemed to know what it was like!

The suburbs were hell. He couldn't leave his bins out, he got yelled at if he didn't get his paper, mow his lawn, anything that made his house a little different. Everyone, besides him, loved it. It had everything he needed, but it wasn't there just last year.

Sometimes, he got so mad, he just wanted to say... he was so mad, he wanted to say... he was just so mad, he wanted to _shout_: "FUCK!"

But of course he wouldn't do that. He had a family now, and he had grown up. He just felt sorry for poor Vince and Howard, bumming the life out of each other, but working in a second hand shop.


	12. In Your Arms Tonight

In Your Arms Tonight

Steven Trask

Fieldplume

Hurt/Comfort / Romance

Dee can, sometimes, get a little jealous. Who wouldn't? Your boyfriend has millions of fans lusting over him, and he goes out almost every night!

(Sorry guys, updating issues again.)

* * *

Dee brushed her black hair out of her face, sighing. A new text message from Noel. "babe, gonna b late tonite," she read the message aloud, to their cat, who could care less. "K babe. luv u."

No response.

"Of course," she said to no one, after their cat left the bedroom.

She walked to the bed and turned on her noise machine. Womb Noises mixed with Delta Dawn. She tapped to the heartbeat noise.

She shouldn't be upset. Open relationship. How could she restrain him? Millions of women, throwing their hot, sweaty bodies against him... millions of women screaming his name. And then he gets drunk, and he loves female company...

Dee growled, throwing the ear buds out of her ear.

"Fuck him," she screamed to the cat, who had just padded back in the room. He tried to grip on to the wood, but failed, sliding out of the room.

She fell for Noel for that reason. She was on her knees, hopeless, when Noel came and picked her off the ground. There was no way she was strong enough to fight, but Noel helped her.

All she wanted was to be in his arms tonight, but he was in the club.

No one knew why Dee stayed with him. Hell, half the time _she _didn't even know. She knew, in the back of her mind, that he could leave at any moment. She was at his every command, and everyone knew it. She wasn't fooling anyone...

All she wanted was to be in his arms tonight, but he was _always _out.

And the funny thing was that a lot of people thought she was the dominant one, that she made the decisions. But she didn't. She was, in truth, just a weak little girl. Isn't that what we are all, inside?

She just loved to be held tight, like nothing could break them apart.

"Dee?"

Dee perked her head up from her computer. "In here, Noel."

Noel stumbled in, but he was hardly drunk. "I got in a fight."

"Oh, baby." Dee got up and walked over to him. "Oh, it's not that bad." She kissed under his eye. "Come on, let's lay down." She stripped him down and got him under the covers. "There."

"Sorry I didn't text you back."

"It's alright. You were busy."

"I shouldn't be that busy." He curled into her, and started to cry. "I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be the one there for you, but I-"

"Shh."

Dee sighed, finally in his arms tonight. And she was happy.


	13. Drink 'till I Die

Drink Till I Die

Sharon Needles

Howince

Hurt/Comfort / Angst

Once Vince's slim chance at fame was ruined, he turned to the bottle - and he never stopped. Howard has tried all he could to save his friend, but nothing seems to work.

* * *

Vince cheered with the crowd as they danced drunkenly to some song from Robots in Disguise. He thought. He'd heard of them before, and he kind of liked their songs, but he couldn't understand it. Maybe it was one of the ones in French.

Oh, no, it just said "up". But a lot of French words end in "up", don't they? He forgot most things when he drank. He knew his last name meant "black". Or was it "blue"? Or something else? It was black. Or at least he _thought_ it was black.

He was too drunk to form a coherent memory. He was just dancing and making out with any one in arms length, that would let him. Not many people did.

Usually the only person who would let him was Russell, who was usually more trashed than he was. The drunk women who noticed cheered and tried to make them do it again, which they usually did.

At six, Vince finally made his way back to the Nabootique, and crawled to his room.

When he woke, the smell was the first thing that hit him. He sat up, almost passing out from the pain. He didn't even realize he was in the bathroom until he saw the vomit-covered toilet.

Smelling it in full, he was sick again, which in turn, made his head pound worse.

He mustered the strength to stand up, and, like always, there was a cup and a note waiting for him.

_"Naboo says this is the last time Vince! -Love Howard"_

Vince chugged the hangover potion in one.

"It was the last time last month," said Vince to no one in particular.

He already felt better, so he decided to hop in the shower. He cleansed himself thoroughly, he never knew who he would end up with tonight, and got out. He did his hair for three hours, and emerged, like usual, at about an hour before sunset.

"Hello Vince."

Vince nodded, not paying attention to Howard, but to the mini-fridge. he figured he would get a head start. Like always.

"Hey Howard."

"Vince, again? Does that hangover cure block out all memory?"

"No, the alcohol does."

"Vince, I'm serious. You've been like this for as long as I can remember! Do you want to live your life like this?"

Vince growled and swung angrily toward Howard. "You think i want another 'last night'? That's a big fucking _no_ my friend! I don't like living like this! When I wake up in the morning, I can just see the cycle. I can smell the booze already. I can smell the sweat off the bodies, I can smell the sick on the floor, I can smell the blood of the people who've gotten in fights. It's _horrid_!"

"Then why don't you quit?"

"I've never been a quitter!"

"Because you don't know when to quit, Vince. Put the bottle down, that's a start."

"Fuck off."

"Vince!"

"Howard," he mocked. "Fuck, you don't even know what it's like. Hangovers have just become regular mornings, to me. You'd be a fucking wreck if you dealt with this shit."

"Why do you even drink?"

"Because I didn't get a fucking record deal!"

"Why is that so important, Vince?"

"It's the only thing I had to look forward too. But I guess that's His plan, huh? Well fuck you all." Vince stormed out, leaving Howard speechless.

Vince could barley even understand Howard when he showed up to take Vince home. "Vincent Noir, we're leaving!"

"Mummy! Don't make me go! Get your knickers out of your fucking cunt and live a bit Howard! Come on! See that guy, over there? Best fucking hand job. E- Ever."

"Vince! Get in the cab!"

"Fuck you!" He turned around, and walked away. "Howard!" Before Howard could blink, Vince had stumbled back to him. "I'm so sorry. I love you. Don't ever let me leave."

"Vince! In the cab!"

"Fuck off old man!" Vince picked a cigarette of the ground, and tried to smoke it. "Fuck, it's broken." He threw it behind him.

"Wait until Naboo finds out about this, Vince!"

"Go ahead! Talk all you fucking want! I'm the talk of the mother-fucking town anyway! Go-on! Call him! One more person talking about Vince Noir!" He stumbled into the arms of a bouncer. "Hey, get the fuck off me!"

He stumbled off into the night, trying to find the Nabootique.

When he finally found it, he went straight to the bathroom. "Fucking prick. I'll show Howard." Vince, out of his mind, took his razor blade, and slashed his stomach. Waiting for an appropriate pool of blood to form, he dipped his finger in it, and wrote of the mirror:

_"D.U.I. I'm going to drink 'till I die."_

"Fuck off, Howard." Vince played with the blood pooling on the white floor, and finally fell into a dreamless sleep.


	14. Beauty of The End

Beauty of The End

Paloma Faith

Noeloma

Hurt/Comfort / Romance

Paloma writes a letter to Noel, not wanting to tell him her actual feelings. They're such good friends, it would just mess everything up!

* * *

Dear Noel,

I've started to miss you lately, which was extremely laughable for the first twenty minutes, but then I realized I still fancied you. And I know it's stupid, it was a one night stand. It was just sex.

I woke up next to your bright face, I fell asleep beside someone who truly loved me. No, I didn't. It was just sex, Paloma. Just sex. I shouldn't miss your face, I shouldn't miss your body.

I shouldn't miss the moments where you were laughing at nothing. The patterns in the dust. I shouldn't miss the lack of your heartbeat. I shouldn't think about the sex that much.

It was a one night stand!

So I write this letter that I'll never send, just so I remember the beauty of the end. And I write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.

Falling never hurts but landing does. And I fell in love.

I miss you when I'm laughing, I feel you're very near. But then I open up my eyes... and you're not here.

It was a one night stand!

So I write this letter that I'll never send, just so I remember the beauty of the end. And I write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.

Falling never hurts but landing does. And I fell in love.

And I'm just as scared as Dee about this freedom. I'm still thinking about telling her! I don't want any one else's heart to be broken. But you need to run with the wind, and I know right now you think there is no reason I should be upset. But you'll see that nothing in life is easy.

I'm going mad! It was _just _a one night stand!

So I write this letter that I'll never send, just so I remember the beauty of the end. And I write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.

Falling never hurts but landing does. But I fell in love...


	15. A Queen And A Bridge

A Queen and A Bridge / Broken Bits

Kirstenana

Rex/Gypsy (Come on Eileen)

Family / Romance

Gypsy didn't know what to do. Her mother was pissed, her brother was with her in the festival, outside of the festival, or God knows where, and Rex, well, she didn't know what was going on with Rex.

* * *

"Rex." The _stunning _man wearing a red shirt turned around to the lady in the short dragon dressing gown, and all of a sudden, she felt almost nude. "We need to talk."

"I had to sneak your mum into the festival, so I think I've apologised enough on my part."

"No, Rex, we _really _need to talk." she took in a deep breath. "When's your next gig?"

"Tonight."

She nodded, dragging him by the thumb away from the girls, and into someone's van, which they used as a sofa. "Do you remember how I said, before your gig, that the pill might not have worked?"

"What pill?"

"The morning after pill."

Rex thought for about ten seconds, and then gasped quietly. "Oh, fuck."

"I guess you've figured out the rest."

"Yeah." he held his head. "And you're sure it's . . mine?"

"Unlike some people in this van, when I enter a relationship, I don't go around fucking _tramps_."

"Listen, Gypsy, I didn't even know we were together."

"We slept together!"

"That doesn't mean anything, Gyps."

"How does it not mean anything to you?"

"I don't know. I've never been that way. Never been one to settle down."

"So what, is our baby going to end up like Zowie?"

"Zowie Bowie?"

"Yeah. We name him a weird name, you write a song about him, and then no one ever sees anything about the wife or the child again?"

"And I suppose you're one to settle down, right?"

"Of course."

"And how do you envision it working out?"

Gypsy sighed, closing her eyes, being able to visualize it. "A big house, two kids, and a car. The oldest is a boy, the youngest is a girl. He might be mean to her, but he'll beat up her boyfriends if they break her heart. And then there's this beautiful golden retriever that's name is Gary, and he sleeps at our feet every night."

"That's lovely, but it's not me. I'm sex, drugs, rock-n-roll! I've said on several occasions I won't settle down, and my fans respect me for that. I'm weird. My music's weird. I don't just go along with society. I don't fit in. I _can't _fit in. And marriage is a big part of that." He took in a deep breath. "It's not me."

"So? It's not me either. I'm a glorified _stripper, _and I'm having a kid."

"Oh, come on. You're not a stripper." He scooted closer to Gypsy and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "You just dance, you don't have a pole or anything."

"I'd still be a terrible mother afterwards, not to mention a dancer. I walked in on my mum once and almost passed out at her take at some moves. She's so old!"

Rex laughed. "You'll be a great mother. And as for a dancer, you just don't lose natural talent, and baby, you've got a lot of it."

"Man, this is weird."

"What?"

"There's someone growing inside of me right now," she replied, almost amazed by it.

"The body is an amazing thing."

"Fuck off." She laughed. "It's scary, I'll tell you that. How does a baby even grow from something that small? I mean, really. I've seen both, and there's no way that baby gravy has the possibility to make people. Think about how many children it could make!"

"Baby gravy," laughed out Rex. "Don't ask me how it works."

They sat for a bit, both of them in silence, but neither uncomfortable.

"Okay," said Rex, interrupting 'The Tears' by Robots in Disguise, who were playing across the field.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll do it. I- I'll settle down . . . somewhat, I'll do the parent thing, I'll do the big house thing."

"Somewhat?"

"Gypsy, I love you. And I love whatever that is growing inside of you, because it is half of me. But we need a way to provide for it, right? I'll still do the music thing, you'll do the stay-at-home mum thing, it all works out."

"But how do I know what you're doing on tour?"

"You can't come with me, for the first year at least. My sister had a kid and she never let that thing out of her sight." He puffed some air out of his nose. "I don't know. But we'll learn as we go along."

"Mum said that was a big part of parenting."

"Yeah." They relaxed some afterwards, intertwining their legs.

Gypsy was ready to take on the challenge to fix the broken bits in Rex. Make him a whole man. Make him a partner. Make him a father. And, most importantly, to make him love her and their child. In the end, that's all that really matters, isn't it?


	16. Time

Time

David Bowie

Howince

Drama

Howard knew Vince was coming to his first professional performance. It gave him a sense of peace, but somehow made him even more nervous. And _apparently_, it made Vince nervous too.

* * *

"Oh my God, Vince!" Howard rushed over to his partner, who was laying on the floor. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

"Quaaludes and red wine. When we found him, he was wanking in the middle of the fucking hall."

"Oh my God, Vince." Howard squatted next to Vince, and brushed some hair off of his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Vince? This is my night. I just wanted _one_. But I guess it's just about you, like always, huh?" Howard sighed, getting up. "Get me off the fucking stage if _anything _changes. Come on. This script is you and me, boys."

"Howard, are you sure you don't want to let the understudy handle this one?"

"I'm positive."

The crew looked at Howard sceptically, but continued with his work.

"Howard . . ." Vince tossed. Howard thrust his head back to Vince, only to hear him speak of senseless things.

Howard threw himself into the acting when he went on stage, trying to distract himself from Vince. After he got off during intermission, he started to cry. '9:25' read his watch, and he cried even harder. How was he still alive? How was anyone still alive? Or, better yet, _why _were they still alive?

"Howard." His co-star shook him. "Howard! We should be on by now." The co-star waved a hand in front of his face, but Howard was completely gone. "Howard. We should be on by now!"

"No."

"Come on, Howard! At least put on some trousers, it's freezing out here!"

"I'm fine."

"Howard, you left your coat behind. Come on, you'll catch a cold."

"Goddamn," Howard whispered to the man. "You're looking old."

"Howard, I've _had_ it, come on."

"Don't be so hateful, Vincey." Howard was completely gone, and he was scaring the cast. "Breaking up is hard."

"Keeping dark is very hateful Howard, and very rude. Get up!"

"I had so many dreams until you came along. So many breakthroughs. You used to be kind, Vince, but love has left you dreamless."

"The door to dreams is closed."

"Are you smiling now; smiling through this darkness?" Howard took in a deep breath. "But all I had to give was the guilt for dreaming. Is that why we broke up?"

"Howard, you've gone wrong."

"You've gone wrong, Vince. We should be on by now, shouldn't we?"

"Howard, get your arse on the stage!"

"Fuck off, Vince. Am I just supposed to go out without my front man?"

"Howard, please. Wake up."

"Not until you do, Vince."

His co-star sighed, getting up. "Ge- Get his understudy. And get mine too. I'm not going on without him." Everyone was still. "Move," he barked, and they scrambled. "Now!"


	17. New York

**Author's Note:** Sorry this is a bit late you guys, I went to a fair with the guy I fancy and a few other friends, and it was the best night of my life.

* * *

New York

Paloma Faith

Noeloma

What I Spit Out At Three In The Morning

Noel didn't want Paloma to go. America had practically ruined Russell, the other half of the Goth Detectives. But Paloma insisted on going to New York... would she be alright?

* * *

"Noel, I wanna tell you something." She smiled as her turned over, so she could see his crystal clear blue eyes.

"Anything." He kissed her nose, and she blushed.

She didn't know why, either. They had been together for over a year.

"They want me to go to America."

Noel groaned. "Paloma-"

"No, no, it's only for a month. Just a month in New York, that's all it is." She took his hand. "I have to go, I really do. It's only the month of May."

"It's my birthday on the twenty-first," he whispered so silently he could barely hear.

"What?"

"Nothing." He plastered a fake smile on his face. "I'm excited for you!"

Paloma laughed, kissing him softly. "Thanks, Noelley."

But in October, Paloma wasn't back yet.

Noel couldn't believe it when he got the phone call. She had broken up with _him_. And even weirder, he was upset! He never got upset about being single. He just went to a club for about an hour, and he wasn't single anymore!

Paloma had left him for New York. After trying everything to steal the children's bull fighter's heart, just a month in a new city stole it. Brainwashed her.

Soon after, Noel got depressed. Even Julian couldn't pull him out of his depression and you knew it was bad then. Julian made everything better. Noel would stay up late at night, just on his balcony, while he slept all day. Julian, of course, spied on Noel from his own balcony, to make sure he didn't try and jump off.

Noel didn't want anyone's help, though. He didn't even want to think about it!

He didn't want to think about the fun Paloma was having. He didn't want to think about the new laughter lines appearing on her face. He didn't want to think about all of her new friends.

He just wanted to be with Paloma.

After trying everything to steal the children's bull fighter's heart, just a _month _in a new city stole it. New York poisoned Paloma's sweet mind.


	18. K2G

K2G

Puffy (AmiYumi)

The Robots/Noel

Friendship / Romance

(I had to include this one, because this is the first song I learned in Japanese. It's special.) The Robots are on tour again! The only problem? They were supposed to play in Australia. And Noel got them three flights to Japan. When weather problems arise, they're forced to stay in Tokyo for a week!

* * *

"I'm going to kill you," said Dee, as they strolled around the streets.

"Come on! It's not that bad!"

"We had to cancel three gigs!"

"Okay, that's a little bad."

"Piss off." Dee and Sue stormed off in synch, while Noel was left carrying the bags.

After an hour, they finally found a hotel. "See," exclaimed Noel, grinning. "There's not even a real person. It's just a robot." They pressed the button of the room they wanted, and made their way to the lift. A girl, in a school uniform, dropped her jaw.

"Robot in Disguise," she asked, in broken English.

Sue nodded, a bit more excited than Dee was to be in Japan, but still mad at Noel. "Yes," she said slowly, while nodding.

The girl fiddled in her bag for a moment, before pulling out a tube of lipstick. "Ro- Robot Ao!" She rolled out the tube of blue lipstick.

"Robot Blue?"

The girl nodded. "Hai, hai!" She giggled. "Sign?"

"Sign something?" Sue made actions like writing, and the girl nodded. Dee and Sue signed a piece of paper.

Noel wanted too, to, but the girl said something that sounded like: "Kisama kutabare," and got off the lift.

After they got to their room, Dee pulled held Noel against the wall, and Sue helped. "And what do you suppose we do, Noel?" She sighed, getting off, and started to pace. "We're in Japan! It's like we're just floating from place to place with you! Oh, where will we go now?"

"Just let yourself escape. Let your body get lighter. This could be Heaven."

"It could also be Hell," piped Sue.

"Come on Delia. Just let yourself go a bit." He pressed his nose to hers. "Come on pretty lady. Let's go to the land of dream."

"Don't tell me you're falling for his bull shit, Dee!"

"Shut up Sue." Noel started swaying Dee back and forth. "A shower of cherry blossoms, over mountains and fields. We'd push through the blossoms, and lay on the soft blanket, in a park somewhere."

Dee giggled. "That sounds nice."

Sue groaned.

"Sue, I swear I'll throw you out the window." Noel kissed Dee. "Getting drunk on your sweet perfume, we'll watch the birds, and butterflies, watch as they all sample the flowers." Noel grinned. "I know you've been roving, but just come with me, and make the dream stay longer."

Dee's knees were going weak. "O-Okay."

"How do you do it?"

Noel shrugged, turning to Sue. "It's a gift, I guess."


	19. Underground

Underground

Ben Folds Five

Vince Noir

Alternative

Contrary to popular belief, Vince Noir wasn't the popular kid in school. Quite the opposite, really. That's one reason why he actually agreed to work at the zoo with Howard, to get out of school. Luckily, he found his people just in time.

* * *

Vince peeked at them from behind the wall. The kids with the mohawks and nose rings. The kids that formed a mosh pit during the talent show, and almost got expelled. He secretly wanted to be in the mosh pit, but he would have had to come out from hiding to do that. He really wanted to join them, right then, but he was too scared-

"BOO!"

Vince jumped out of his skin as he felt someone tap his shoulder. "I- I'm sorry."

"Chill out, kid." The guy walked over to his friends, with his arm casually over Vince's shoulder. "Peeping Tom."

"Bring 'em here." A girl giggled, patting a cushion beside her. "Aww, he's kinda cute. How old are you?" She brushed her bright blue hair out of her raccoon eyes.

"Sixteen."

"Oh, alright." She took another puff. "What are you doing hanging around 'ere?"

"I wasn't spying on you," he said defensively.

"Alright. What were you doing then?"

"I- I-"

The girl laughed. "I like him. He's rather adorable. Can we keep him?"

"He's not a dog Eileen."

"Fuck that, he's adorable."

"I suppose we can keep him. If he wants to stay."

"What do you say, small boy? Do you want to join us? Do you want to become one of us? Do _you _want _to _join the magical land where nothing ever goes wrong, and if it does, you either don't care or beat the shit out of it?"

"Yes?"

"Ah!" They raised whatever they were drinking or smoking. "To the short guy!"

"To the short guy," everyone rang.

"My name is Vince."

"To Vince!"

They passed him around, kissing him on each cheek. Surprisingly, he had never felt more loved.

"So, Vince. What shall be your kingdom?"

"What?"

"We all reign over something. I reign over nerds, rockers, geeks, and pretty much everyone else that's scared of punks."

"I- I'm a Mod."

"Vince, King of The Mods!"

Vince grinned at the people toasting to him. Even though he knew he would never see them again after school, he could tell they were going to make his last two years an amazing journey.

* * *

**Author's Note:** You can skip this if you don't want to be screamed at by an emotional puddle.

I just finished Stockholm Syndrome. First one. Trying to find a free a free .pdf or .epub of the other two. I'm a fucking wreck. I'm an emotional puddle And now I'm listening to Happy Ending by Mika, and crying, and eating Oreos, because I saw someone doing it on the Boosh From Last Night Tumblr and I thought it might work but I don't have Bailey's, so I can't even think about Gregg, but if I think about Gregg, I'll think about Noel, and then I'll think about Pip and... ASDFGHJKL!


	20. Die Tonight, Live Forever

Die Tonight, Live Forever

InnerPartySystem

The Goth Dectives

Friendship / Drama

That kind of lifestyle can't be good for a person. If Russell could get over it, why couldn't Noel?

* * *

"I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here, I'm running in the fields with Arnold."

"Listen, Noel, it's Russell, call me back. I know I made you angry, but you're just going in the same direction I was going in, and now I'm clean. Remember Amy? Remember how sad we all were?" Russell sighed. "Call me back, Noel."

Noel sighed, hanging up the phone. Noel loved the party scene too much to quit, and the party scene loved him too much to let him.

What else did he have? The Boosh had finished, he was getting nearer and nearer to forty every day, why _wouldn't _any sane man party? He went all out for the parties, too. He didn't have anything left he cared about, why would he care about being excessive?

He wouldn't even care if he were to die. He didn't regret a thing! If he were to die that second, he would have died a happy man.

Even if he tried not to party, it's not like he couldn't join the real world. You can't go back once you've tasted the forbidden fruit.

He had nothing he cared about, why should he even fake it any more?

The night Russell left him a voice mail, he partied the hardest he ever had.

He wasn't fake any more. He let the plastic melt and drip off, and let the real him shine through. He danced around for a bit, but the people who still hid behind their plastic masks fled in terror once he started to talk. The fakers.

He'd first started to party when he lost control of his life, but ever sense, the parties had helped him gain it back. He was the boss of his own life, he had control.

Sure, he had _nothing. _But he was happy to have nothing.

Russell wasn't, however, happy to have to drag his mate home in a wheelbarrow. He needed to fix him, and he knew exactly how.

He hesitated with the phone in his hand.

They had helped him, sure. They had helped Boy George, too. But Russell just didn't feel right calling Focus12 on one of his best mates... But Noel _really _needed it.

Russell looked at Noel's figure, passed out, on the couch, and dialled the number.


	21. Buddy Holly

**Author's Note**: HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SHAMBLETON! Our band concert was tonight, and it went amazing.

* * *

Buddy Holly

Weezer

Howince

Romance

After Howard looses the squint-off, he goes to the eye doctor and finds out he needs glasses. He hates them! He looks like Buddy Holly! Finally, Vince manages to drag Howard out of the shop and to the mall.

* * *

"Vince, let's just go!"

"No way, it's amazing here!"

"We're in a food court. In a mall." Howard sighed, munching on a chip. "How is it amazing? I can just feel everyone looking at my glasses."

"They're not looking at you, babe, they're looking at me."

"They're looking at me. They're always looking at me." Howard sipped his drink. "The only difference is that they're looking at my glasses instead of at all my beauty."

"I'll show you." He winked at a blonde, and she turned away, giggling.

"So you're straight now?"

Vince groaned, leaning back. "I'm the gayest person in the fucking world, Howard! I'm wearing makeup, I spend about three hours on my hair each day, I'm wearing a girl's top, and I'm wearing-" He snapped the elastic lace- "a g-string!"

"You are very gay, I'll give you that." Howard thought for a moment after his statement. "How do you fit in that?"

"What do you mean?"

Howard blushed a little, putting his head down so Vince couldn't see. "Big . . . feet."

"Oh." Vince laughed. "These jeans are so tight, I have to tuck to get into 'em. G-string helps with that, and is actually pretty comfortable."

"You're more and more like a woman every day."

"And you're and more like Buddy Holly," Vince squeaked out.

"Vince," Howard said, offended.

"Sorry, sorry!" Vince sighed. "I'm not a woman. I'm a guy. I'll top if you need proof," he said defensivley.

"I don't need proof . . . why are you so upset?"

"Those guys over there bullied me while you went to the bathroom." He pointed over his shoulder.

"Why would they bully you?"

"They called you Buddy Holly."

"And that's bullying you?"

"Yeah. Because it's you." Vince put his hand over Howard's. "And you're me."

"And you're just getting defensive?"

Vince nodded sheepishly. "Yeah."

"You don't have to be defensive around me." Howard leaned over the table and kissed Vince quickly. When he pulled away, Vince was blushing a bit.

"I thought we were just going as mates, to cover up?"

"Your foot's far enough up my leg to count the change in my pocket. I think people could tell."

Vince giggled like a school girl. "I guess. But they were still mean to me."

"They were mean to _me_. Not to you."

"But you're me!"

"I can fight my own battles."

"Don't you ever fear, I'm always near."

"Like I'll call on you to defend me."

Vince faked offence. "Hey!"

"They're not wrong, you know." Howard sipped. "I look just like Buddy Holly."

"If you're Buddy Holly, Mary Tyler Moore."

"You are! You're Mary Tyler Moore."

"I'm not Mary Tyler Moore, because if I was, you would need a really bad Cockney accent." Vince slipped his leg up Howard's. "You know I'm yours. I'd never bum Dick van Dyke. And I know you're mine, so don't make any jokes about dicks or lesbians."

Howard deflated from where he rised to make a comment. "And that's for all of time?"

"All of time. I don't care what anyone says, any more. Just don't care." Vince smiled coyly at Howard, spinning the orange plastic ring around on his pinky.


	22. The Tears

The Tears

Robots in Disguise

Fieldplume

Drama / Romance

They were supposed to be filming, but Dee couldn't take her eyes off of Noel! Who knew he would look that good as a Gothic clown? Well, everyone. But who knew he would be flirting with all of the women on set? Well... everyone.

* * *

"Dee." Sue kissed her best friend on the cheek. "He's just having fun."

"I want him to have fun with _me_!"

"Dee."

"I'm serious. I found a number in his phone, I overheard him, and he's been looking at me funny!"

"Fuck, we wrote this song about me, not you." Sue took a sip of Dee's drink. "But I think it might be turning into you."

"I'm about to go over there and slap that bitch."

"That'll only make it worse."

"Has that _ever _stopped me before?"

Sue shrugged. "Go ahead and do it, but I'm warning you now. It's completely innocent."

"It's not, Sue! There's that red light in my head, and I can't cut it off!" Dee stole her drink back, and ran the end of the spoon over her face, from ear to ear. "She'd look even more beautiful as the joker."

"Hey, Dee." They jumped as Noel ran up behind her, and kissed her cheek. "How are you two doing?"

"We're fine."

"Dee's not. You looked like you were flirting with that make-up girl, Noel."

Dee glared a death glare at Sue.

"Oh, Dee, I wasn't flirting." He turned her head to his, and Eskimo kissed her. "You're the only woman I had-have eyes for."

"Why did you stammer?"

"What do you mean," he asked casually.

"You stammered." Dee sighed as she peered into his crystal blue eyes. "Nothing." She kissed him, quickly, but dragged Sue off. "He totally stammered!"

"He _totally_ did."

"This is just getting worse and worse."

"What's the next line in the song?"

"Uh..." Dee hummed it. "Red light, panic, terror, error!"

"Good!" Sue thought for a moment after her outburst. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know!" Dee sunk down the wall. "I don't want to taste his tears either, but we wrote that in."

"But in a way, and I know you don't want to hear this... you are his slave."

"But I-"

"You think he'll change, you'll do pretty much anything for him, and worst of all, you're madly in love with him."

"Why can't it just be like when we were children, and boys were gross?" Dee laid her head on her friend's shoulder. "I miss those days."

"I miss them too. My tits pointed up."

Dee giggled, playfully shoving her old friend.


	23. Small Bump

Small Bump

Ed Sheeran

Noel/The Twins

Family

Noel, if possible, was even more worried about the twins than Julian was. Noel is supposed to be the cool uncle, the one they'll come to to ask about sex, and see if he can score them some meow-meow. But what if they don't like him?

* * *

Noel, waiting in the room outside of Julia's room, looked once more at Julia's scan. Two little babies. Julian could hardly take care of Noel, how could he take care of children.

"Now that's not true," thought Noel to himself. "I shouldn't think that. Julian takes care of you properly."

Sighing, he looked at the scan again.

"Hey Little Man." Julian smiled as Noel didn't look up. "They've finally kicked me out, after I fainted the second time."

Noel huffed a bit of air through his nose. "Which one's which?"

"Walter," he pointed to a foetus, "and Arthur."

Noel nodded. "That's amazing. There are tiny people in Julia right now, and they're half you, and they're about to tear their way out of her vag. How does that even work?"

"The human body is mysterious."

Noel nodded. "Do you know what they're going to look like?"

"Yes, Noel, because I've stuck my head in there, lit a match, and had tea with my unborn sons."

"Okay, that _was _a stupid question." Noel laughed. "I hope they have your hair, but Julia's eyes. The prawn eyes need to stop with you."

"And the bush-baby eyes need to stop with you." Julian smiled to his comedy partner. "They'll have Julia's smile. With the little dimple under her chin."

"They'll be beautiful."

They sat in silence for a bit, before the nurse let both of them in. The nurse was an old woman, so she had no idea Noel wasn't Julia's brother.

"Hi," Julia whispered. "Come meet the family, you two." Julia handed a baby to each of them.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Loosen up, Noel. Be gentle."

Noel nodded, holding the child closer to him. "Who is this one?"

"That one is Arthur. If he's wearing the red socks."

"He is." Noel smiled, going off in his own little world, until Arthur woke him out of it. Out of the womb for less than thirty minutes, and he had grabbed Noel's thumb.

"He's a smart one. He's been moving around and exploring, even though I don't know if he can see yet." She laughed to herself.

"Oh my God," whispered Noel. He felt like the Grinch, but Noel's heart wasn't growing just three sizes. He felt like he could explode. "Can I keep this one? You guys have two, you could share him. Give them two halves of a necklace."

"Noel, we can't do that."

"Why?"

"As soon as you squeeze a watermelon out of your nostril, we'll talk."

"Fine," grumbled Noel, not even looking at Julia. It was like the baby was the only person in the world. And when Arthur tightened his grip on his thumb, Noel couldn't remember what he was worried about. He was going to be the best uncle slash Daddy's comedy partner slash ex-lover ever. (But the kids and Julia didn't need to know that last one.)


	24. From Above

From Above

Ben Folds and Nick Hornby

Fieldplume

Heart-Break

Fuck the others. After they broke up, there was only one woman on Noel's mind. He was happy in his current relationship, the Lliana just had something missing.

* * *

"Oh, uh, hi Noel." Dee nodded to her ex, and he nodded back. "This is, uh, this is Tom."

"Hello Tom. I'm Noel, this is De- Lliana! This is Lliana." He cowered under Lliana's glare. "Well, we'd better go."

The exes retreated to oppisite sides of the pub, but they felt strange. They felt empty. They were missing something. They were missing each other. And if they had touched, they would of felt their hearts beating in synch, and they would have felt them stay that way forever.

They seemed to be seeing more of each other after they broke up than when they did when they were together. At a bookstore, at a party, and a movie. Of course, only Dee noticed him, but they both had that feeling.

They both remember every moment of that night, too. The cinema was having a romantic comedy week, and that day was the 'While You Were Sleeping' day. They both chose the 6:30 showing, and Dee sat directly behind Noel and Lliana, who didn't watch the movie for most of the time.

The exes never made eye contact, but they felt strange. They felt empty. They were missing something. They were missing each other. And if they had touched, they would of felt their hearts beating in synch, and they would have felt them stay that way forever.

Of course, it's not like they were actually unhappy in the lives they lived. They both just had this little feeling, deep inside. A naked absense, a phantom limb. An itch that could never be scratched.

Dee loved Tom, and Noel loved Lliana. But they weren't soul mates. Dee's soul mate was Noel, Lliana's soul mate was a man called David, and Tom's soul mate was his best mate, Ben.

And who knows whether that's how it should be. Maybe we should live with a gaping hole in our hearts, maybe our ghosts live in that vacancy.

The exes never talked again, but they felt strange. They felt empty. They were missing something. They were missing each other. And if they had touched, they would of felt their hearts beating in synch, and they would have felt them stay that way forever.


	25. Life On Mars?

Life on Mars?

David Bowie

Howince / Some Annoying Irish Guy That May Or May Not Be Roy

Romance

Howard and Vince go out to a movie on their first date, and it's adorable. Unfortunatley, Vince knows the movie a bit too well, and things don't end up going as planned.

DIVIDER

"I don't see the button, Howard."

"It's right next to Twilight, Vince."

Vince nodded excitedly, pushing the button. "Thanks." He grinned at his boyfriend, and they walked to the escalator, with Howard's arm around Vince's waist.

They made their way to the snack bar, which was a jamboree for Vince Noir. He stocked up on sweets, and then they headed into the cinema.

"Now this movie is fucking excilent. There's a twist at the end."

"Oh, really? I can't wait to see the twist."

Some Irish guy behind them groaned.

"Okay, so you see the sailors? This is preasent day. Set in the fifties. Okay?"

"Okay," Howard said lightly, not paying attention to the movie, but to Vince'd long lashes blinking.

"And the caveman kind of take away from the plot, but they're part of the twist." He lazily grabbed Howard's hand in the dark.

"For the love of God," said the Irish guy. "Will you two shut up and stop spoiling the movie," the Irish guy hissed. "I hate that!"

"Sorry," Vince hissed, turning back to Howard. They couldn't helped, and cracked up.

"Shut up," whispered the Irish man, but they only laughed harder.

After about ten minutes, Vince tried to whisper a bit more quietly. "And the lawman, there, he's beating up the wrong guy, but that's one of the twists leading up to the biggest twist."

"What does this have to do with Mars?"

"See, one of the twists that'll go on in about a minute, his wife is going on a mission to Mars." The Irish guy groaned at Vince.

"Oh, okay. Do they discover life?"

"No, we actually never see them on Mars. Something blows up."

The Irish guy groaned louder, and stood up. "YOU LITTLE WANKERS!"

"I never said that the wife's spaceship blew up! It doesn't! Their kid accidently blows up the house and kills everyone but the wife, because the kid's in love with the guy who got the death penlty, and the dad was beating up the guy who got the death penlty's twin, but the twin was in love with the kid, and it ends with the twin, twenty years in the future, dropping a rose on the mother, the father, and the kid's grade, because the mother killed herself!"

The theater was in an uproar, and Howard was blushing like crazy. "We should probably . . . go, Vince."

"YOU THINK?"

Howard dragged Vince out by the shirt, mortified. "We are never going to a movie again."

"A- Again? There's going to be an again?"

"Of course," Howard smiled out. "We have to make up for this. Only next time, I'm picking the venue." He wrapped his arm around Vince's waist, and they fled the cinema in terror of an angry mob.


	26. Silicone

Silicone

Willam Belli, Detox iCunt, Vicky Vox

Vince (AKA Anita Cocktail.)

Plastic

(I had to bring back drag queen Vince. I love him.) It hurts to be beautiful, right? Well no one told Vince that he would have to poked, and injected, and sliced, and his DSLs be filled with fat from his ass!

* * *

"And what would you like today, Miss Anita?"

She looked up and down the menu, which was hand written. This wasn't the most _legal_ place, but they were amazing. "Anything new?"

"DSLs?"

"No bigger."

"Ass?"

"Last month."

"Ooh, I know!" He pulled out a drawing. "Okay, so this is putting silicone into the bottom of your heels. Like the Dr. Scholl's things, but in your feet. Makes it a lot easier to walk in heels."

"I dunno."

"Come on. This is the last thing I can give you before you're actually a woman."

"I still need real tits."

"You do remember under Anita's make-up, your name is Vince?"

Anita sighed. "Alright."

"Come on, Miss Anita."

"It just hurts so much!" She groaned. "And what if people mistake me for a real girl?"

"You're a black market beauty, babe." The doctor laid his big hand on her's. "You're not a girl, and if they thought you were, they're not right in the head." He laughed. "Come on."

He lead Anita into a back room, where he poked, prodded, and stabbed, for about an hour. "Are you done?"

"Yep. It's official, you're certified to save someone from drowning. You'll be a floatation device."

"Ha ha. Can I walk?"

"Probably. Call me if anything starts leaking out."

Anita hugged him lightly, and trudged her way back home. There, she removed her make-up, her dress, her wig, and she untucked.

There he was- Vince Noir, in all of his horrid glory. In a way, he preferred to go to the doctor as Anita. Falling on needles was okay for a queen. Not for him.

Not for the weird boy with the scar, the Dick Sucking Lips, the great ass, the fake abs, and the fake _everything. _The doctor always said he should be proud he had the confidence and the money to kiss the needle, but Vince always felt horrible.

He was a half-assed boy by day, but fish at night. He hated the boy. The fish was flawless! She had fans, which Vince never managed to have. All in all, Vince was about fifty percent human, fifty percent silicone.

In the words of his doctor when he asked his doctor what he was injecting into him: "It's kind of safe, mostly illegal."

Vince showered and got into bed, hoping the next day would be better than the last. At least he had gotten his monthly surgery done.


	27. Gimme Gimme Gimme

Gimme Gimme Gimme

ABBA

Noelian

Stalkerish / Romance

Julian always had the better deal, getting to see into Noel's bedroom from his living room. When Julia and the twins are away at her parents, Julian starts to get some... cravings.

* * *

Julian paced around his flat. The late show was only _so _interesting before you wanted to spray your brains out all over your television. Julia and the twins had gone to her parent's place, so Julian had faked a headache. He didn't know why. It would be more interesting than sitting in his flat alone.

A cool late autumn wind blew in his open window, sending chills down his spine. He crossed quickly to the window, closing it, but stopped and got caught like a deer in the headlight. Noel Fielding. In his bedroom. Wanking. While the blinds were open.

Julian wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Noel was the only one in sight, so Julian couldn't manage to take his eyes away.

And all of a sudden, Julian needed Noel. To chase the shadows away, to stay with him until Julia got back in the morning.

After Noel had finished his business, Julian looked away, a little mortified, and a lot turned on. After about fifteen minutes, he got a text, which read:

_alright peeping beauty_

What?

_dont try and be coy. i saw you watching me from your living room._

No comment. How do you even know that was me?

_julia and the kids are away for the weekend, right?_

Maybe.

_u wanna cum over?_

After you just finished THAT? I don't think so.

_ju i can see you. and i can see the tent._

Tent?

_U HAVE A BLANKET OVER UR BONER! U WANNA CUM OVER AND BUM OR DO U JUST WANNA WATCH THROUGH THE WINDOW LIKE A PERV?_

...

_well?_

Be over in ten.

_atta boy. red wine?_

So we're being classy this time?

_as classy as this can get... what flavour lube u want?_

And we're back to the regular Noel.

_ill surprise you then._


	28. Sugar Daddy

Sugar Daddy

John Cameron Mitchell

Howince

Comedy / Romance

Vince tries to spice up the relationship by dragging. Consequently, Howard's jaw was dragging on the floor by the time Vince was done.

* * *

"Alright, I'm ready!" Vince hopped out from behind the curtain, and Howard couldn't breathe. "The corset's a little tight, but it gives the illusion of natural breasts, so I can boost my cup size easier. But you and Corncakes know that, right?"

"I-I-I-Uh-I-"

"Not the reaction I expected." Vince frowned.

"You look-" Howard choked a bit. "You look amazing."

"Aww, thanks Howard!" He walked in a perfect line to the bedside table, and pulled out a bag of Gummy Bears. "Oh my God," he said as he chewed one. "I love Gummy Bears!" Howard was turning blue as Vince made almost orgasmic noises while eating the bears. "Do you want one?" He fed one to Howard without a response. "There, you're my sugar daddy."

"You know what a sugar daddy is, right?"

"Yeah. An old man, which is you, who's fucking an attractive young lady, which is me." Vince grinned, biting into another Gummy Bear.

"Vince, you're not a young lady."

"Fine then. I'll be the guy for once." He fed Howard another bear. "The thrill of control." He wolf whistled. "Sweetest taste I've known." Vince giggled. "No, I couldn't top."

"Not what I meant. You're lacking a female reproductive system." Vince looked like he was about to get offended, so Howard had to think fast. "You're not a woman, Vince. Where's the foetus going to gestate, in a box?"

Vince giggled. "Stop it! You know I can't resist it the Pythons." Vince sighed. "Just when I least expected it," said Vince, trying not to look too hopeful.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Vince burst out laughing again. "Okay, fine, I'm not a woman."

"Besides, even if you were a woman, I would need to be rich."

"Okay, in a perfect world, you're rich, but I'm not a woman, because I like being a dude." He closed his eyes. " Think about it, and French cigarettes, a motorbike with high-speed jets, a Waterpik, a Cuisinart, and a hypo-allergenic dog."

"Vince-"

"Shut your mouth and dream a bit, Howard." Vince took in a deep breath. "Okay, Birth of Venus. But the clam is chocolate, I'm on it, and the water is marshmallow. Is that not amazing?"

"I suppose."

"It's amazing for me. I've gotta sweet tooth." He nibbled on Howard's neck. "Come on sugar daddy."

Howard flipped Vince over quickly, so Howard had pinned him. "Vince..."

"Come on sugar daddy, bring me _home_."


	29. Kimi he to Tsunaga Kokoro

Kimi he to Tsunagu Kokoro (My Heat Connects With You)

Toyosaki Aki, Mizuhara Kaoru, Kugimiya Rie

Howince

Romance

Before Howard and Vince move into Naboo's flat, but after Howard did the porn shoot, Howard takes up a job at a newspaper company. His boss, a lonely woman who loves to fling herself into other people's romances, gives him a slot in the paper to advertise his love after the biggest fight Vince and Howard had ever had. Now if only Vince would pick up a paper.

* * *

"Lemme hear it."

Howard sighed, turning to his boss, and starting to read. "Dear Vince Noir, guess who? I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but only now has my boss pushed me to say it, and I'm hoping I'll be grateful for her.

"I'll send you my love in full bloom, so let this smile reach you. It's the start of a whole new world, Vince.

"This wasn't easy- Because it's me, that's out of the question. But I'll say goodbye to everything, they'll be no more regrets. We can change our difficulties into happy things. You're my morning sun, and with a smile, you beckon to me.

"Even if I'm secretly trembling, I'll be strong. For you. Mustering all my strength, I'll go on. I feel brave when you're next to me, and when we're together, we can go anywhere.

"The whirlwind caught up with us, but we're alright now! We'll get over this. In the regular days, things repeat. We'll fight, and sleep on other sides of the bed, instead of sleeping as a lump in the middle. I'll send this message over and over, if you don't see it.

"I was worried, crushed, and thought I couldn't do it. My heart was throbbing. Until we finally got together, and that filled me to the brim. So take a leap towards your own dream, Vince.

"Vince. Together, we can advance anywhere. I rode the tailwind with all my might to reach you, and now that I have, our hearts connect. I put my feelings into my latest news column with all my might, and with this fluttering feeling, we can go anywhere, my dear."

"AWWW!" His boss hugged him. "I'll kill him if you don't have amazing sex after he reads that."

"Thanks?"

His boss just laughed.


	30. Cat's In The Cradle

Cat's In The Cradle

Harry Chapin

Vince Noir / Mum and Dad Noir

Family

Noses aren't shaped like that naturally. Noses are shaped like that when your father throws the book he was reading at you, and breaks your nose. Now Vince is off to college, never wanting to see that bastard again. But of course his mother just had to _call _him up, didn't she?

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey Vince!"

"Alright Mum. How're things at home?"

"It's lonely without you. You always brightened up the place with your loud clothes. Not to mention Gary Numan and David Bowie not waking up the neighbours at every moment."

Vince smiled lightly. "How's Dad," he asked, trying to sound as casual as he could.

"He's actually very upset, Vince."

"Mum . . ."

"He is, honey, I swear to God and all things holy."

"When I left, he said to me, and I quote: 'Good. Get your faggoty ass out of my house as soon as possible.' I really doubt he's upset."

"He is, Vince!" She was starting to tear up.

"Don't cry, Mum. Come on."

"Then speak to him."

"No fucking way."

"Then I'll cry as much as I please."

Vince had always had a special bond with his mother. In a way, he helped raise her. He helped her grow up, majorly. She was the first person he came out to, and she was the only one he could tell his secrets to. He couldn't _stand _to see her cry.

"F-Fine. Just . . . fine."

Vince felt like he had been slapped across the face when he heard his father's voice stumble out: "Hello, son."

"Alright Dad."

They were in silence for about thirty seconds.

"How- How are your classes?"

"They're going good."

"And you're studying . . ."

"Hair design. Remember? That faggoty thing you always used to complain I took to long with?"

"I complained about the make-up," said his father, defensive all of a sudden.

"Well I had to wear it to cover up the scars and bruises, didn't I?"

His father felt guiltier than he ever had. "Vince, I didn't mean any of it."

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious. You learned to walk while I was on business. You learned to talk while I was away. I remember one of the first things you said to me: 'Daddy, when I grow up, I'll be just like you.' And I thought that would be a good thing. But then I realized I was a shit parent. Then when you were about ten, I got you a ball, and you wanted me to teach you how to throw it."

"I hated that fucking ball. I would have rather had a doll. But I wanted to learn how to throw so you would be proud of me. But you just said you were busy."

"I know, Vince, I know." He took a deep breath. "I really am proud of you, Vince."

"Sure."

"I am."

"I don't _want _you to be proud of me, Dad! If you were to ever be proud of me, that would mean I would have gone against everything I stand for!"

"I didn't mean anything I did to you, Vince! I didn't mean any of the abuse! I didn't mean to be away so much! I just had so much stress, and I had so much work, I was becoming a young business man, and we had you a bit too early. I'll admit that. But I don't regret it! I'm fine with you being . . . _gay_. I'm fine with it!"

"It doesn't sound like it."

"Vince . . ." His father sounded on the verge of tears, and it almost broke Vince's heart. _Almost_. "What can I do to prove myself?"

Vince laughed at that. "You really think that you can just say something to make up for twenty years of abuse?"

"I . . . I don't know what."

"Unbelievable." Vince pulled the phone away from his face, put his thumb of the bright green END CALL button, but hesitated.

His father's shaky voice made it apparent he was crying. He was never the best singer, but he did it anyway, on those occasions when Vince wouldn't sleep, and his father was in charge of getting him back to sleep. He would always sing, tiredly, Yellow Submarine, by the Beatles.

"And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you comin' home son? I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad. We're- We're gonna have a good time then."

Vince couldn't speak, he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe. He just collapsed in a fit of tears. The first step of getting over something is admitting you have a problem. It was never stated out loud, but you could assume from the two grown men crying.

Vince didn't know when he was going to see his father again, but when he did, he just hoped that his father was telling the truth.


	31. Angel In Me

**Author's Note: **I thought, because this is the last day, I would try something different... Pip/Lindsay, anyone? I'm really nervous, because I don't know how many of you have read it, and I'm pretty much freaking out. But without further adieu, Angel In Me!

* * *

Angel In Me

Richard O'Brien

Pip/Lindsay

Romance, But Not The Kind Where They Have Sex, Just Fluffiness

Lindsay was stuck nursing the kid when he had a cold. That was fine, alright. Until Aurelie's parents dropped her off, because she had the same thing. Russian Roulette was starting to seem like a resort. A bit drastic, but... a resort.

* * *

"LIIINDSAAAAY," Pip called from the living room. "I'm thirsty!"

"Be right there," he grumbled, bringing out two hot chocolates.

"Merci," replied Aurelie, but it was smothered by her stopped-up nose.

"Thanks babe." He blew a kiss to Lindsay.

"Don't even breathe in my direction, Valentine. I can't get sick."

"How come she can breathe on you?"

"Because she needs support. She had cancer, and now her parents have left her with _us._"

"Your cock has been up my arse." Valentine sniffled, sipping his coco. "That's love. That's willing to get anything I have, and you didn't, so I think I can breathe on you, even if you get a cold. Flu is better than AIDS."

Watching him, Lindsay was hypnotized. How could he be in love with that sniffling little idiot? He didn't understand Valentine. Lindsay was tough, he was a man's man, until he was around him. They could spend hours just... kissing. Kissing. Nothing more.

Lindsay was an iron fist, but Valentine... Valentine was a velvet glove.

That first time in the car, with Lindsay's gun shoved down Valentine's throat, he felt something. The first time they kissed, _really _kissed, they fell in love. Lindsay was caught in Valentine's web of hairspray, sweets, and stuffed monkeys.

Lindsay was a deamon, around everyone but Valentine. Around him, Lindsay was just dreaming. He brought out the angel in Lindsay.

Lindsay ran his hand through Valentine's damp hair, and he curled into it, like a cat. "Je veux fonder une famille avec toi."

Aurelie gasped lightly, and a smile spread across her face.

"Wha- What does that mean?"

Lindsay just smiled.

"_C'est _ca l'amour, oui?"

"Bien sur."


End file.
